If the child is not doing well, a tug of war may ensue. The teacher may blame the parents for the difficulty she has with her students. She often demands that they exert their influence to improve the child's academic progress or deportment. Usually she gives them the responsibility to help the child with his studies, particularly with his homework. In doing so she contributes greatly to the unhappiness of the family and to the child's increased antagonism to learning.
RUDOLF ONEIKUÄS
What's the biggest struggle parents have with their kids about school? If you guessed homework, you guessed right. This struggle starts the first time the kids get homework and continues throughout their school years, often escalating at some point to require extreme interventions such as therapy, tutoring, severe punishment both at home and at school, and even divorce because parents can't agree on how to deal with the issue.
Why does homework have to be such a struggle? Teachers mean no harm when they send home a letter to the parents. How could anyone fault the following homework policy statement: "The purpose of homework is to enhance student achievement; to help students become self-directed, independent learners; and to develop good work habits." Like many ideas, it sounds great, but is it?
In reality, even though this policy is intended to help the student be self-directed, many parents micromanage their child's homework. They want to do the right thing for their kids, and they don't want to get in trouble with the teacher. They think it's their responsibility to make Sure their kids succeed, and that belief can be strengthened when teachers complain that parents aren't being responsible for managing their kids' homework.
Instead of instilling a sense of self-direction, homework teaches many kids that their homework and grades are more important to their parents and teachers than they themselves are. This hurts, so kids may choose to hurt back (even if they hurt themselves in the process) by not caring about their homework or refusing to do it without a power struggle and/or revenge cycle. Sometimes parents are dismayed to discover their kids have not turned in the home- work they completed. Obviously, these kids are proving You can't make me.
Added to the homework challenge is the fact that kids are already busy with countless after-school activities. Parents are often working full or part time or are single parents juggling endless responsibilities. Now the parents and the kids are supposed to find time together to do homework assignments. If there's; more than one child in school, it's worse. And if the teachers don't coordinate homework assignments, some children can have up to six hours of homework from six different teachers. On top of that there are those assignments that no child can succeed at without parental help.
Only rarely do teachers problem-solve the homework issue with their students. Rather, they take on an "I know best" attitude, making doing the homework a requirement for passing a class. Some kids can easily pass tests without doing homework, but they still might fail a class or be graded down for not doing it.
Having conversations with students could go a long way to resolve many homework dilemmas. Assignments could be of joint solving between teachers and Students. Discussing this would be an excellent topic for a Class Meeting.
Many homework activities add to the richness of learning, and some with the practice repetition needed to succeed in school. We're not suggesting that anyone ban all homework, but we think teachers need to be sensitive about the issues unfolding outside the classroom. Some children are so stressed about doing their homework, lest they get in trouble or get a lower grade, that they have no time for family activities. Others experience physical symptoms resulting from the stress. In many families, homework time is fraught with struggles, tears, threats, refusal to do the and even lying, as in "I don't have any homework tonight." The joy of learning is lost When homework struggles become the main focus.
In France in 2012, a group of teachers and parents called for a two-week boycott because, according to them, "It is useless, tiring, and reinforces inequalities between children." They further complained that the responsibility for homework is the parents' rather than the child's, and that the result is endless fighting at home between the two. They suggest that if students need extra work or practice, they should do it at school rather than home. 1
In one family, Where the son attends a college prep private school, the parents shared char at the beginning of the school year. The school sent a note home to the family asking the -parents to stay out of their children's schoolwork.
1) "French Parents Boycott 'Useless' Homework," Agence France-Presse, March 28,
2012, http://www.mid-day.com/news/2012/mar/280312-Frenchrparents-boycott-useless
-homework.htm.
They encouraged the parents to step back and let the kids figure Out how to do it. They promised that the teachers would deal with the kids about unfinished homework and would work with them to encourage responsibility. The parents found it. hard to let go, but the school continued encouraging them, saying that it was good practice for the kids and that they were developing skills of self-direction and responsibility. It took about six months for the new system to really work, because the old habits of both parents and kids were so ingrained. But finally the stress level around homework disappeared in the family, and their son learned to take full responsibility for his work.
In another family a mother wrote that her son started taking online classes instead of attending school. He gets all his work done during the day and can enjoy his after-school activities, friends, and family without the stress and fights around homework. This was a big change from the hassles he experienced around homework before—especially his parents engaging in piggybacking.
PIGGYBACKING
Piggybacking often happens around homework struggles as well as other discipline issues. Here's how it works: a child gets in trouble at school because his or her homework isn't complete. The teacher sug- gests that the parents ”discipline" their child or make sure the child has "consequences" for misbehavior in school. Those are usually fancy words for asking the parents to punish the child again for something that has already been punished at school. This is piggybacking. Imagine how you, as a teacher, would feel if a child's parents came to you asking that you ". discipline" their child or give them "consequences" for not cleaning their room, or not helping with chores, or not keeping a promise to mow the lawn.
This is a two-way street. Teachers inform parents about their child's progress in school, because parents want to know how their child is doing. They don't like surprises when the report card arrives. In many cases, this situation has evolved into Web sites where parents can check how their kids are doing on a daily basis. (One parent we know checks three times a day.) Many parents are getting an education under an assumed name—their child's.
The premise of piggybacking is that the more punishment a child receives, the more motivated he or she will be to do better. All the research shows that punishment doesn't work, yet the idea persists that perhaps more punishment will work here. It doesn't. Students end up shamed and punished first at school, then at home. The parents end up feeling blamed and expected to perform so that their child will perform. Once again the responsibility for success is placed on the parents and not on the student. In addition, parent-child relationships are impaired.
A different approach would be for parents to offer encouragement.
Teachers could simply notify the parents and emphasize that they and the student will work on this issue together at school to come up with a satisfactory solution to the homework issue. Teachers might even invite the parents in to be part of that problem solving, as long as everyone has an equal voice and as long as the adults don't gang up on the student. Some teachers put the issue of homework on the Class Meeting agenda. When the students have input and choices, they perform better. Letting kids decide which three nights will be homework nights works much better than telling them they will have homework three nights a week.
Another option that would be empowering to students is Curiosity Questions. Either a parent or a teacher could ask, "What are your
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE IN ACTION
At the parent participation schools that work with, the importance of Positive Discipline can'! be understated. When you have adults who are coming into the classrooms to serve as parent-teachers, or as board members, or on committees, Positive Discipline is necessary as our common language. There is an understanding, in parent participation schools especially, that the kids are easy; it's the parents who are hard. I have been witness to things that go awry when we don't have a common positive language. Our whole school approach includes not only the teachers and students but also the families, because they are such an integral part of how our school operates.
Two important PD principles, taking time for training and teaching adults what to do, as well as using our monthly parent education meetings as Class Meeting for adults, has created a parallel learning environment for us. Parents can really get a sense of what their children are experiencing in the classroom. Creating a PD environment at school was only our first step. Providing ongoing parent education for the adults, and also making sure that, as a school, our parents are feeling am capable to help, to contribute, to participate, and / am genuinely needed to help create a positive learning environment for all of the students, were secondary key components.
Through parent participation, we have found solutions for most of the problems that plague traditional schools due to lack of funding or staffing. Our "parent power" is creative, passionate, and consistent—we focus on solutions and find ways to get things done. Inevitably this positive discipline energy is carried over to their home life. The student's whole world changes for the better, and so does the culture of the entire campus. Cathy Kawakami, certified Positive Discipline trainer, San Jose, California
goals? How could a good education help you achieve your goals? If homework is a requirement for an education, how can you work out a plan for homework so that it is helping you achieve your goals?" Again, kids are more likely to cooperate when they are respectfully involved and see personal benefit.
Some teachers tailor the homework to the student. Some kids need a lot of practice; others need more challenge; still others benefit from opting out of homework by scoring high in pop quizzes.
Teachers can also set their own policy about what they will do if homework isn't completed. Perhaps a teacher could use first this, then that—first homework, then free time. Or teachers could recommend a homework club that takes place at school, where kids have a chance to do homework and get help if needed. Some teachers have a homework corner in their classrooms where kids help each other with their homework. Some suggest homework buddies to older students.
A fifteen-year-old reported that her teacher suggested she and another student study together for their finals. She said that on her own, she wouldn't have thought of asking someone to study with her because she wouldn't have felt comfortable. The two girls helped each other study, and both ended up with better grades than they would have had otherwise. When they were together, they studied, whereas on their own, neither would have gotten a thing done.
Students, teachers, and parents don't have to suffer to achieve academic excellence. When belonging and significance are considered as important as academic excellence, everyone benefits. When all parties practice mutual respect and joint problem solving, students do better. When the responsibility for homework is placed squarely on the child, real learning can take place. Expecting kids to be accountable instead
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